Here I sit with my bestie, sucking margaritas at 3 pm, discussing the douchebaggery of her ex….when drunken blog topic #1 arises.
Let me have some more ‘rita before I carry on.
Working on ‘rita 4…bear/bare with me!
4 is gone …and little mamas ex, in one message, managed to call her a whore AND tell her that she is ‘his girl’….we decided then…that Lady Pimpin is the way of life for a single lady.
So, now you’re wondering to yourself, how does one become a lady pimp.
First – let me explain…a lady pimp isn’t a lady who pimps people out, cuz that’d just be weird. A lady pimp is a bad ass bitch, who does what she wants, who she wants, where she wants…HOWEVER the hell she wants. Literally.
Because you can run this shit! Talkin, runnin, runnin and runnin runnin!
Rule #1 – Avoid towns with a population of less than 11,237 people. That’s bad news. That’s just asking for drama, rumors, the HIV, inbreeding, fake titties …wait, what?
Rule #2 – Find the egotistical guys, the ones that WON’T get hung up on you, or heaven forbid, fall for you! This is a fling thing, not forever!
Rule #3 – IF they do fall, KICK them to the curb. It’s not worth the bull shit.
Rule #4 – Never talk to just one guy. One isn’t enough. One is just stupid. Keep that pond well stocked!
Rule #5 – Diversify! Don’t stick to just one breed. Get yourself a nice guy, a cowboy, a bad boy, and a rich boy. Especially a rich boy.
Rule #6 – Spoil and be spoiled! By spoil..I mean, you…not someone else.
Rule # 7 – Be overly awesome, cocky, and super sexy in everything you do – even gym time, because you can.
I think if you follow these 7 simple rules, you will be rockin the lady pimp status in no time. 😉
xoxo
That One Drunk Girl 😉
Just Plain Twisted 